Monday, March 22, 2004

THE LATVIANS HAVE ROBOTS!

And I have proof! See the picture below.



Yes, this picture was taken in Riga, Latvia in 2003. There I was, just standing in this doorway, casually scoping out the hot Latvian chicks. Of course by doing that, I was also forced to watch the various gangs of Latvian youth-thugs handing out "free" tickets to the various Latvian strip joints to unsuspecting Japanese tourist herds (in all their uber-stereotypical camera-toting tourist glory) and more-than-eager-to-screw-a-hot-Russian-young-babe-hooker German throngs. Anway, Mara and I are witnessing all this in a drunken haze and having a blast when this fucking robot, that we think is a prop suddenly turns it's head and starts speaking to us in Latvian! It even raises it's arm in a threatening manner! We both back off, and the robot settles down, and goes back to it's statue-like straight ahead gaze.

In my eyes this robot is most likely left over from some sinister Soviet plot for world domination before the collapse of the said Union, and Latvia getting its freedom. With all that aside, I determine a test of the true capabilties and motives of this sinister robot MUST be performed. I would not be an honorable US citizen if I just merely walked away from this potential threat to freedom. The results of the experiment were as I had foreseen. This was one agrophobic robot. Left alone, with no humans within a 5 foot radius, it is perfectly happy to sit stoicly, much like the "Iron Man" of Black Sabbath fame. However, break the "safe zone" of five feet, and the robot attacks. Granted, I didn't have the courage to see if the attack would escalate from verbal to physical abuse. But the picture shown above is of the experiment. Look at my shock and fear as the robot turns its head and starts in on poor Duke.

Although I enjoyed Latvia, I had much more fun in London. There I hung out with the Roman Emperor Trajan for a couple of hours.



I smoked cigarettes, drank a couple of beers out of a paper bag and had a generally swell time. Not once did he he ever raise his voice or act in a threatening manner. In fact, he never said a word. Trajan is definitely a good listener.

I'm going to Portugal in May. I wonder if they have robots?

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