Wednesday, May 26, 2004

The Portuguese are fucking cool 


Well we're finally back. Of course it would not be a Tunnel Rats adventure without it's share of mishaps and just plain old shit occurring in an effort to make me blow my top.

It all started Friday night at Logan airport. Mara and I were in the check-in line for American Airlines. As we wait in line, out of sheer boredom, I'm thumbing through my passport, still pissed at the Latvian guy who stamped my page with a dry stamp, so there's no proof I was ever there. I flip back to the front page and notice my passport expires in 2 years. I casually ask Mara when her's expires. She looks, and then says "Shit. It expired last month".
This revelation set off a series of events that are too painful to describe.
Actually, fuck it. The lady at the American counter desperately tries to get in touch with Customs to see if we can get a last minute re-newal before they close for the weekend. After about 30 minutes on the phone we realize it's impossible. So we're sent to the American Eagle Changed Ticket desk. That is where we encounter the most vile, fat ugly, middle-aged CUNT I have ever run afoul of. I could take up pages trying to describe all the details, but it's boring. In a nutshell, this woman grabbed Mara's passport, looked at the last name and canceled Mara's sister's flight to London. Not once did she ask us a question, or even tell us what she was doing, until it was already done. When she did finally say something, I politely told her that was the wrong person. She flipped out. Yelling at us for like 15 minutes while she tried to undo what she had done. Even having the nerve to yell "Why the fuck didn't you tell me there was someone with the same name on your flight?"
Well Duh you stupid cunt, you didn't tell us you were canceling a flight! Actually, that is not what I said. I figured we were at her mercy if we wanted to get our flight re-scheduled, and there were 2 State Troopers about 40 feet away. But after 15 minutes of her shit I was pretty damn close to dragging her over the counter and just kicking the living shit out of her. Normally I would never hit a woman, but this troll didn't qualify as a woman in my book. She probably had about 100 pounds on me, and she was so hideous and bitchy I don't think even the horniest bull dyke would stoop so low to touch this low-life. In all honesty, I have never been treated so rudely in a customer service situation where physical violence seemed to be the only way to shut the cunt up. I was literally trembling with rage when she sent us to another desk, because she was unable to fix her screw up.
That's when a GREAT employee of American noticed me in this huge line, and he could sense my anger, and he actually came up and asked me if I needed help. He took me right to the front of the line, fixed our problem right away, and got us booked on Monday night's flight so we could have time to get the passport fixed. I went from such polar opposites of people that I was stunned into silence. Of course as all this was going on we got a call from B-Face and Anda, who were on their way to airport for the same flight. They called to say Anda's passport had also expired.
Finally on Monday, we left. We arrived on Tuesday morning in Lisbon. Of course that is when the next bad thing happened. We had just left this cool castle we were touring in Tomar. Me and B-face get back to our rented car first. He gets in the back seat and says "Where's my backpack?". That's when I noticed the doors are unlocked. I could swear I had locked the doors when we got out. I remembered doing so, but here they were unlocked. B-Face's backpack is definitely gone though. I'm pissed at myself, thinking I had somehow fucked up and left the car unlocked. That is until I notice the lock on my driver's door had been totally shimmied and broken. Some mother-fucker had broken into the car. They got a bunch of our clothes, B-faces back-pack, his wallet, some cash and some gifts for the people we were meeting over there mainly our friend Vasco (Savage City Outlaws and Iron Mustache) and also Vasco's phone number was gone.
Needless to say, we had a bunch of shit to deal with from that, but it worked out alright. We still had our passports. However, what sucked is that Vasco and Sicko of the Savage City Outlaws were waiting for us back in Lisbon! I had no way to call them. I had no clue what his number was.
A day later I was finally able to get back in touch with Vasco by calling the US and giving my e-mail password to Bernie so he could find the e-mail. Unfortunately Vasco had waited for us for two days with his bandmates. They had a bunch of recording equipment as we were going to have an impromptu recording session, with video and everything. It would have been the meeting of two great groups of minds. And it never happened because of some douchebag in Tomar who broke into our car. In any event, that very cool thing that Vasco and Sicko did for us shows how cool the Portuguese are.
Even after all this had happened with the plans Vasco had made for us, we still hung out with him and his girlfriend Romina 3 times during our trip. He brought us to Elvas for a night where we got to hang out with some his bandmates, and the Portuguese Man-of-Mystery TONY SCUM (who will get a blog post of his own soon). He offered to bring us to his family home and to see his Uncle's horses (we weren't able to go) and he brought his 91 year old grandmother to dinner with us. His grandmother was great, and B-Face promised to cut his hair for her, but only if Vasco did the same. So I don't think it's happening anytime soon.
Even though I started this entry with a rant, I can't say enough great things about Vasco, Sicko and Romina. They did everything they could to show us the best time possible in their country. It is amazing to travel that far to have people you have never even met try so hard for you. All of Vasco's friends we met were the same way. I know in some parts of Europe being an American may not be such a good thing, but the Portuguese showed themselves to be the best. I can't wait to go back next year. And believe me, I'm putting all the pressure I can to get the Savage City Outlaws over here to the US so I can repay the hospitality they showed us.

Me, and our friends in Elvas. I don't remember all their names. To my LEFT is the Mighty TONY SCUM! This man will be a star someday. Behind Tony is our good friend Vasco, who was such a great host for us. Then there is Vasco's girlfriend Romina, who was also an incredible hostess.

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