Tuesday, July 06, 2004

OTIS Update! 

Well it's been a REALLY long fucking time since I gave an Otis update. That was due to a couple of factors. The first, we had a show every weekend in June, along with a bunch of every day, annonying dull life shit to deal with. The second, Otis was not doing all that great.

You see, I made an incredible blunder when I transplanted OTIS to the outside gardens. I planted him right near my peas and beans. My initial thinking was that, since peas and beans normally start to die off in mid-July after producing, it would make sense to let OTIS grow amongst them. That way he could expand like crazy and not interfere with other plants once he really took off after the peas and beans died off. It makes perfect sense, except for one key problem. Peas and Beans suck tons of nitrogen out of the soil, which is exactly what a growing giant like OTIS needs. When you combine his near death experience (due to a late frost), and the fact that the younger, faster growing peas and beans were sucking up all of his nutrients, it made for a very stunted Otis. Just check out the pic below:

Yeah, I know that he's not looking too good for a plant that I was hoping to produce a 500 pound pumpkin. However, as you can see, I have a fucking shitload of peas.

That works out well, as I can give them to Captain Leech, which next to PBR and Rumplimenz, is his favorite food.

Basically, this past weekend, me and Mara came to an important decision. Otis had to be transplanted if he was going to use the next 3 months to produce the pumpkin we desired. This was a major operation, one fraught with risks. It was very much like an organ transplant for a human, but with much more at stake, at least in our eyes. Therefore, being an intelligent man, I let Mara perform the operation whilst I manned the camera. Not wanting to jinx the anethesized Otis (I poured lots of beer around his base beforehand) I avoided using the camera flash until he was safely removed from his previous home.

Next, we transplanted him to his new home. This new home, I hope, should truly kick ass. It is a mound of pure compost, about 4 yards worth. That should provide him with plenty of nutrients, and he has no more competition from other plants.

It appears (24 hours later) that the transplant was successful. Of course, after such a strenuous procedure, Mara and I did not wait those 24 hours. Instead we immediately celebrated by cooking up one helluva a meal of Kabobs, along with a 3 pound Steak, and some ears of corn.

Of course, fucking Smelly the cat did his best to steal an unfair share of the meal. But since he did nothing but try and hinder this critical operation, he got NOTHING!

Now we can back to normal Otis updates. Also, you fucking people can now STOP emailing me about it.


Post a Comment

<< Home